The Onion reports that “a new videotape of Osama bin Laden broadcast on the Arab satellite news channel Al-Jazeera Monday beseeched Allah to grant all Americans a "crappy Valentine’s Day,” with a scathingly negative message:
This Feb. 14th on the Western infidels’ calendar, may all Americans receive no valentines from their beloved ones… May the homemade construction-paper mailboxes taped to the desks of the American schoolchildren remain empty, as well. May whomever you ask to “bee yours” tell you to “buzz off.” … Paper hearts shall be rent and trod upon, and dreams of love delivered stillborn. Body language shall be misinterpreted, crushes unrequited, and sincere expressions of affection mocked. Invitations to dinner will be rejected, just as Americans have rejected Allah, the one true God.
I hope you can still enjoy your Valentine’s Day after such a harsh rebuke. 😉 Perhaps X-Entertainment’s assortment of video game Valentines will cheer you up…
