Essentialist Explanations

Essentialist Explanations is a bit nonsensical at times, but I suppose at least geek linguists will find it funny ;-):

This page comprises a list of 901 “essentialist explanations” of the form “Language X is essentially language Y under conditions Z.” I have edited some entries for uniformity, clarity, or good English. The entries are grouped for convenience rather than correctness. In particular, fictional languages belonging to actual language families are grouped with their natural language relatives.