Let me begin by saying that I believe that there is a lot that we'll never know about what went on in Abu Ghraib and other detention centers. However, I was quite interested to read Reuters' report on the court martial of Charles Graner, the alleged "ringleader" of abuses at Abu Ghraib prison. His lawyer's rationalizations beat any Chewbacca/Jackie Chiles parody of a defense:

A lawyer for Charles Graner, accused ringleader in the Iraq prisoner abuse scandal, on Monday compared piling naked prisoners into pyramids to cheerleader shows and said leashing inmates was also acceptable prisoner control.
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"Don't cheerleaders all over America form pyramids six to eight times a year. Is that torture?" Guy Womack, Graner's attorney, said in opening arguments to the 10-member U.S. military jury at the reservist's court-martial.
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Womack said using a tether was a valid method of controlling detainees. "You're keeping control of them. A tether is a valid control to be used in corrections," he said. "In Texas we'd lasso them and drag them out of there."

Even the Twinkie defense seems plausible after this...