The Borowitz Report breaks the story that W "announced the first major initiative of his second term in office today, canceling the agreement between nouns and verbs...telling reporters, 'I has a mandate, and I intends to use it.'"

In other post-election news, The Onion led with the headline "Nation's Poor Win Election For Nation's Rich." The article quotes Karl Rove, minister of evil senior advisor to W, "You have selflessly sacrificed your well-being and voted against your own economic interest. For this, we humbly thank you."

Finally, Sorry Everybody allows the 49% of Americans who didn't vote for W to apologize to the world in advance for his inevitably divisive, destructive, and moronic actions. Check out the gallery in particular...


Oh, and W sucks. :-p

Update: CNN reports that Attorney General John Ashcroft and Commerce Secretary Don Evans have both submitted their resignations. In celebration of Ashcroft's departure, revisit Porncroft, a photomosaic composed entirely of pornographic images (most definitely NSFW), or listen to his horrible rendition of the song "Let The Eagles Soar." Good riddance...